


to be loved

by dracoommalfoy



Series: song fics [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Based on a song, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:26:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24877669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracoommalfoy/pseuds/dracoommalfoy
Summary: i tell myself i have to build defenses'cause once you are in love, you are defenselesseverything was easy when it meant lessbut once you are in love, you are defenseless
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Series: song fics [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1852027
Kudos: 11





	to be loved

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to ann :)

Draco Malfoy has three rules he tries to follow all the time.

1) Always get the highest marks possible. Try to beat that damned Granger if possible.

2) Never say too much. If Blaise or Pansy asks what's wrong, don't say anything.

3) Do _not_ fall in love. With anyone. Anytime. Love is a trap, love is weakness.

As a sixteen year old, it hasn't been very hard to follow these three simple rules. Stupid Granger still gets top marks, but Draco is behind her in every class besides Defense Against the Dark Arts, but he supposes that it's okay to let Potter feel glorified in at least one subject. When he spoke to the other Slytherins, it was either about them or anything other than himself. He was good at keeping the conversation away from himself.

And as for the third rule, he had been doing so good. He wasn't an emotionless bastard, per say, he just refused to love anyone or anything. He strongly liked and enjoyed things such as quidditch, Potions, and treacle tart, but he didn't love anything.

Well, for the first fifteen years of his life he _thought_ he didn't love anything.

Then he turned sixteen and came to the worst realization of his entire life. He loved Harry Potter. And his morning pumpkin juice wasn't spiked with Weasley's Wizard Wheezes _Love Potion_ , he really did truly love Harry Potter. And it wasn't anything sudden- what hurt the most was that deep down he knew he'd been falling deeper into love with the green eyed boy ever since that day in Madam Malkin's when Draco had uttered "Hullo".

So, yes, Draco had broken his third and probably most crucial rule. Crucial to surviving, at least. And surviving was beginning to get more difficult, especially when it depended on Draco's ability to murder Hogwart's headmaster.

Draco hated Hogwarts. He hated Dumbledore. But killing him was very different than just hating him.

He hated Harry Potter with every ounce of his being. He hated how he could spit out as many insults as he'd like but his heart wasn't in any of them. He hated how his feelings for Potter were the exact opposite of hatred. And he would never harm a messy hair on that boy's head, if he could help it.

Things were much simpler when he was eleven, or twelve, when Draco was too naive to realize what his feelings toward the Golden Boy. Back then, everything was easy. Back then, Draco's walls were built up high, his defenses were secured.

Then he hit thirteen and like every teenager, the hormones started. Only, he wasn't feeling things for Pansy Parkinson or Millicent Bulstrode or Daphne Greengrass. His face would turn red and his heart hammered around Theo Nott, or during his glances at Cedric Diggory in the Great Hall. But, worst of all, everything _stopped_ around Harry Potter.

It was awful when he realized it. Draco had been walking out of the train, shoulder to shoulder with Blaise, and he heard the whispers that Potter had blacked out because of the Dementor. Draco should have laughed and made a joke.

But he didn't. The first thing he did was frown and think about how that wasn't normal, then wondered if Potter was okay or not. After all, if he didn't have Potter, who would he tease? His sarcastic remarks would go to waste. Young and naive thirteen year old Draco thought that that was what his worry was about.

However, when fourth year rolled around and Potter's name was drawn from the Goblet of Fire and Draco knew what the tasks were because his father had told him, his blood froze. He watched Potter with wide eyes during the first task as he battled a dragon and winced when there were close calls that were a bit too close for Draco's liking.

Pansy caught on when Draco was, for some reason, jealous when Weasley was Potter's special person and Potter had to save _him_ from the Black Lake. Draco was pretty important, wasn't he? I mean- Potter didn't have anyone else to tease him the way Draco did.

Blaise and Theo caught on when Draco's eyes would not leave Potter at the Yule Ball. When Draco droned on and on about how the Patil twin Potter took wasn't even pretty, and how Potter couldn't dance and if he took _Draco_ to the Ball, Draco could have taught him how to dance.

Draco caught on when the Triwizard Cup appeared in front of the maze, Potter clinging to it with one hand and to Diggory in the other. Draco scowled when he saw Potter's head on Diggory's chest, but that angered look soon faded to one of horror when he realized that Diggory wasn't blinking or breathing and tears were pouring down Potter's face.

That could have been Potter. Diggory could have returned, bearing the news that Harry Potter was dead instead of the other way around. And that's when Draco knew.

He couldn't lose Potter because of some silly insults. He couldn't lose Potter because his heart beat for Harry Potter. His heart beat for the way his black locks were whipped by the wind when he went soaring after the Snitch in quidditch games. His heart beat for the determined look in those emerald green eyes whenever Potter glared at Umbridge, determined not to let her win. His heart beat for the way Potter grinned and laughed and spoke and walked and wrote and ate and everything.

He couldn't lose Potter because his heart beat for Harry Potter.

So, with a burden no sixteen year old should have to carry, he raced to the bathroom, accepting the fact that the defenses he'd worked so hard to build were gone.

He was in love with Harry Potter, and he was defenseless.

Draco caught on when the Triwizard Cup appeared in front of the maze, Potter clinging to it with one hand and to Diggory in the other.

Harry caught on when he dropped to his knees next to Draco, blood covering swirling in the water around them.


End file.
